Years ago, within one and the same month, three of my close friends announced their pregnancies. Clearly, they were in advanced states of nesting. Meanwhile I was still cooped up in my tiny student apartment nowhere near a relationship, let alone a baby.
Feeling delighted for my circle going through life altering changes mixed with being an outsider, was no stranger to me. In fact, I’d been through plenty of similar episodes in the past. As of today, the total list covers: watching up close how age-mates fall head over heels for the first time, form serious relationships, cohabitate, tying the knot, welcoming the first addition to their unit followed by the second one. And I’m certain there is more to come!
A distinctive criterion for a true long-term singles’ experience, is observing people of the same age group, collectively, develop in their love life while no action is taking place on the home front. Interestingly, these types of partnership milestones seem to happen in waves and in a cumulative fashion where there’s a lead up, a peak, the dust settling before it’s time for the next domestic hot topic. At the height of these partnership freezes, invitations to celebrations and ceremonies will be rolling in in real life. And digitally, distant acquaintances such as former classmates, childhood friends and friends of friends, will keep everyone updated on what’s happening at their end. All the while, the singles standby in the sideline as an audience with front row tickets to the show.
These periodical group surges can cause varying degrees of emotional distress. Most likely found in the emotional risk zone are the singles wishing to join the club but to no avail. It can be a dilemma during times of ramped up focus on partnership. Naturally, there’s sympathetic joy and excitement for others. Yet the spotlight on relationships is a reminder of the romantic stagnation and highlighting the possibility of never having the same faith. Also, when the majority is jointly progressing it’s hard not to feel like the odd man out. Even singles entirely disinterested in where the crowd is going might, even for a split second, think twice about their civil status. And as if that wasn’t bad enough, guilt will probably flare up as the cherry on top. The guilt is a direct result of gloomy feelings that can’t be helped during others’ prime time. As you can see, the involuntary singles have a great deal to psychologically juggle.
Despite it all, there is a lifeline I’d like to throw out to ease romantically hyped up episodes. The rescue kit I recommend comes in the form of other singles who are in identical situations or those who have been at some point. I can’t emphasize enough the importance of actively finding and forming connections with those who’ve faced the same struggle. Empathy, relatability, and acceptance will be a potent antidote to the emotional turbulence and tension.
Well-meaning loved ones in all honor, their support and encouragement has it’s time and place. But unless they themselves have walked in the singles’ shoes their words can only go so far. My intent is not to downplay or devalue their efforts. The reason their comfort won’t entirely do the trick is because they lack inside information about the situation.
So, don’t be afraid to reach out to those you know are in the same predicament as yourself. Message the bride to be’ cousin who you know is single and ask to have a coffee. Reach out to that former co-worker you always got along with who’s also been single through it. Enter forums online dedicated to singles or join social media pages and groups which seem appropriate. Most importantly don’t be afraid to share and seek support, you’ll be doing yourself a huge favor.
Connecting to others able to relate and understand will create a sense of fellowship among those who fully comprehend the scope of the unintentional and inevitable, social exclusion. The “outcast” community can also be the right forum to completely let your hair down! This is the right crowd to vent to, receive moral support from and get the reality check you need: you’re not alone!
A great bonus is the single themselves can with time offer their words of wisdom to the singles following, what a golden chance to pass it forward.
Nouseibah 
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