“Why am I single?” is a natural question to ask if you’re seeking a partner. Especially if you have been for a while. 

The question might strike you out of curiosity, while glaring back at your love life unable to make sense of it, during long overdue dry spells or in the midst of seasons highlighting romantic relationships.  

The answer to why you’re single will be unique. But I’d like to share three perspectives shedding light on on possible answers to the question.  

“Why I’m a single?” – Does your life structure reflect your true essence?  

For you, meeting a partner might be less of a numbers game or dating strategy and more the result of life resonance leading to the right type of exposure.  

To encounter a partner, you need to catch a glimpse of each other, right? For many they automatically interpret this as needing to actively “put yourself out there”, meaning swiping for life or hitting the club scene. But if you’ve “been there done that” with no result it’s not your path. 

Genuine compatibility for you is more likely to occur out of a life structure aligned with your essence. Life structure is simply your day to day living and where you frequently show up.

So maybe the relevant question isn’t “why are you single” but instead: does your outer life reflect who you authentically are?  

If you take an honest look at the people, environments, work, and how you use most of your time, does it accurately reflect you as a person? Does it line up with your inner compass? Like your values, morals, passions, life views?  

This doesn’t mean you have to be overexcited in all areas of life. But generally, does your everyday life keep you in inner equilibrium? 

If so, you’re more likely to encounter your type of people, allowing relationships (of all kinds) in and naturally weeding the wrong ones out.  

When you’re wondering why you’re single, reflect on: 

• Is your life structure a reflection of you as a person? 

• Does your life structure keep you internally balanced or drain you? 

• Where do you feel disharmony and how could you make changes? 

“Why am I single?” – Spot your trojan horse 

If you are a self-aware person who actively work on yourself, the reason why you’re single might not stem from commitment issues, childhood trauma, fear or other disharmonic blockages. 

Why you’re single may be due to an inner trojan horse. Something sneaky flying under the radar and fabricating a feeling of something being “right” or mimicking intuition leading you astray. One example of this is future projection. 

Future projection will get you by molding your perception, interpretation and actions to fit a desired (made up) future scenario rather than present reality. The goal is to get you to move you towards a future best-case narrative and avoid anything that disrupts the path towards it.  

In dating this will look like: making excuses for bad behavior, impressed by basic courtesy, fantasizing/obsessing over someone, easily getting way ahead of yourself, seeing potential where there is none, sacrificing aspects of your life for the potential of love, intepreting “signs” out of coincidence or thin air.

The overall theme is an overinvesting of time, energy, money, thoughts and emotions compared to what you get out of the experience.  

If you recognize future projection as your pattern why you’re single is because you’re busy running down rabbit holes, being an easy target to those selling fantasies and  being unable to identify people of real substance. Why? Because those of quality live from the present invisible to those functioning from future projection, making it a total mismatch.

Why are you single? Spot your trojan horse

• Do you tend to get ahead of yourself in dating and love? 

•  Have you noticed a pattern of your “intuition” constantly guiding you the wrong way? 

• Do you typically overinvest in relation to what you get back? 

Do you need support breaking the painful cycle of future projection? Book a free call here. 

Why are you single? The answer hiding in plain sight…

It’s natural in our society to interpret the absence of a partner as a void in life bound to be filled by another. Especially if you’ve had an extensive “absence”. As if it implies there must be a logical explanation, higher meaning, or destined reason. 

But what if you’re missing the most obvious?  

Let’s flip the script for a second. Being single is not primarily an “absence”. It’s a presence of something. Something with purpose and function crucial for you, your life and essential for what’s to come.  Many times the “something” is not as visible or concrete as a partner. But it’s just as real.

So what is this “something”?  

The answer will be individual. But here are few examples to keep in mind when you’re asking yourself  “why am I single”? 

• deeper processes you’re aware or unaware of taking place  

• stillness allowing you to hear your truth

• time to explore or discover your inner or outer world  

• a pause before a new chapter begins  

Why you’re single will be individual but I hope you’ve gain a bit more clarity. 

Ready to explore why you’re single? Book a session here.