The Persian poet and philosopher Rumi is known for the beautiful saying:

What you seek is also seeking you.

Singles on the lookout for a partner might misinterpret the knowledge of Rumi and draw the conclusion; the life partner they seek must be seeking them. Although this can be the case, I’d like to raise a little flag.

That which “you seek” can be packaged in different ways. A creative project, an adventure, charity endeavor or spiritual exploration are just few of many examples. It just so happens, women are brainwashed and groomed early on to anticipate traditional domestic life as the only or highest desire. This outlook is precisely what trips many singles up and can cause life stagnation or negative emotions. Typical scenarios would be waiting around for a white and shining armor to come around or unsettling emotions such as frustration, a sense of injustice or low self-worth.

Another pattern among unhappy singles where the words of Rumi get twisted into a knot, is the unbalanced relationship with “that which is sought”. For involuntary singleness with zero action, disastrous dating history or in unfulfilling situationships, it’s normalcy to associate the “seeked” (a partner) with struggle. It’s as if constant chase, exaggerated efforts, or powerlessness has to be part of the story. What’s at play is the underlying assumption “that which you seek” barely wants to be sought out. In turn, an over or under compensation occurs on the singles part. Either the single takes on the whole weight and burden to make things happen or signs of defeat are exhibited.  

But what if there is more to Rumi’s words?

Once the single begins to realize singleness might be exactly where what they seek might be found, game changer! And added to it, what if there’s no need to force or hunt down anyone or anything. What’s searched for is meant to meet us halfway! Living from such mindset, it appears as obvious, the relationship with desires is not one-sided ordeal but reciprocal.

For unhappy singles it’s wise not to spin Rumi’s message to only have one sort of meaning. Instead open and allow the words to marinate and echo in the back of the mind, while directing attention on every interest or curiosity and begin planning! Having exciting things to look forward to can alone generates a sense of motivation and inspiration. And don’t forget to sprinkle in new or random activities here and there! This will add growth, surprises, a different sense of fulfillment and worst comes to worst, a funny story. And remember it doesn’t always have to be over the top plans. Trying out new recipes, pamper routines or joining a meet-up group can get the wheels turning and open doors for “that which you seek” to come through.

I interpret the essence of “that which you seek is seeking you” as a synergetic process of life. A magnetic meeting, between individuals or experiences, requiring an openness combined with the knowingness the result will be a win-win situation.

The more we take the reins in life by exploring, accepting challenges, and trying out new things the deeper the resonance of the sentiment is felt. And during your times of uphill battles, remind yourself to take a step back and be comforted by the beautiful words: what I seek is also seeking me.