Never get involved with newly singles (the rebound trap)

Regardless of what type of relationship one might be searching for, it’s a sifting and sorting game. For those seeking  the “romantic” longterm kind there will be many candidates passing through who won’t fit the criteria . Among these I’d put newly singles. In my opinion if you’re coming out of a long relationship and been single for less than a year, you’re newly single. And if we’re talking 0 to 6 months it’s a  definite ‘no go’ zone. 

I don’t blame newly singles entering the dating stage early on to socialize or enjoy their newfound freedom. I can understand there being a curiosity, desire to seek new connections or “make up for lost time”. And if you happen to be one who’s open to friendships or causal arrangements, meeting fresh singles could mean striking gold. However, if you’re dreaming of more you might want to reconsider investing your time and energy into a newly single. 

I’m writing this post of caution due to the high risk of getting cast a rebound role rather than a partner. The rebound role basically means you function as a bandaid to an unhealed wound, easing up the newly singles rough patch or life transition. Having the rebound part is usually a pleasant experience (at first). You might genuinely be  hitting it off, connecting and having emotions blossoming.  But this is a trap since all positive signs easily can be mistaken for the relationship with the newly single as “moving in the right direction”. The rebound may not realize they are the supporting actor/actress in the film, not the main character. This misconception will become clear soon enough. 

My own little observation tells me newly singles tend to hit the dating scene primarily seeking the perks of a relationship while roaming free. By “free” I mean no commitment, accountability or obligations, so it’s a green light seeing other people or making you a non priority for example (no judgment). Win win scenario right? Well not if you’re at the other end desiring more. Once the major discrepancy in needs between the two is a fact, you’ve arrived at the point of no return. It’s around this time you might get the classic line “I’m not ready for a relationship” which is another way of saying “I’m not fully healed” (or “ I’m disinterested in you” depending on the context).

Foto av Liza Summer pu00e5

Newly singles might initially express that their terminated relationship was over for a long time  (before the break up) as a way to justify readiness to connect. The feeling for the ex partner might have cooled (or turned for the worse). But claiming such doesn’t equal being ready to jump into another partnership. My guess is newly singles require time to deal with the aftermath, bounce back, readjust to new life  and as the  true cliche states  “find themselves”. But the consequence of newly singles reassuring having a clean slate is that they, intentionally or  unintentionally, contribute to setting up the rebound trap. This is not to paint the newly single as the villain. At the end of the day, we’re responsible for our own dating experience and being cautious regarding who we get involved with. A smart move is asking how long someone has been single, to avoid likely disapointments and detours. So if a newly single sparks your interest or claims to be ready to mingle, keep in mind what could be at stake. It might be wise to pass and wait along for the one who’s fully cooked, prepared and wanting you not a rebound. 

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