Since it’s Valentine’s day, I thought I’d seize the opportunity and offer a friendly reminder to singles feeling extra triggered on this commercially hyped up day. Roses, chocolate and the color red began filling isles weeks ago to assure nobody forgets the day of love. Many claim  today is dedicated to celebrating all kinds of love. I say it’s time to cut the bs and acknowledge that clearly one type of love is exceedingly more emphasized and marketed. 

I hope most would agree sweet Valentines is nothing but a profit oriented stunt by all businesses wanting to make an extra coin. At the same time, it’s a huge waving flag signaling what society and culture values, celebrates and holds dearest to its heart. Being single on this particular day could therefore be interpreted as being given the middle finger by society (especially the struggling solos). For that reason, I hereby have a counter message! And I want you to imagine I’m shouting it from every rooftop: Being single says nothing about anything!

Well, that’s not entirely true but almost, I think you’ll catch my drift. Nothing sets singles apart from couples except having a partner or not. Period. Any other assumed differences or qualities attributed to civil status, is either imaginary, wishful thinking or taught (unconscious) programming. Singleness implies nothing about personality, life quality, value, happiness, intelligence, attractiveness, talents etc etc. There are couples who are highly disturbed or dysfunctional and singles who are amazing in every way. There are singles who are disturbed or dysfunctional and couples that are amazing in every way. No one can claim dibs on positive experiences and traits or be immune to negative characteristics or experiences. We all have waves of different emotions and our good or bad days. If there’s anything I can attest to after this past year it’s that life is just life, regardless. 

A follow-up question might be: how come some are singles and others not? It’s human to want to find a cause or explanation to why “he is married and I’m not”. I have no answer, it could be completely random and impersonal. Perhaps it’s destiny or serves a higher purpose. From my perspective the behind the scenes reasons are irrelevant. What is relevant is how accepting are you of what is? You can’t exactly walk into a store and buy a husband/wife, it happens when it happens (or not). My point is, all life expressions are equally valid. That leads me to the conclusion that there are only two options: will you resist life or accept and flow with it? (Please choose the latter, pretty please).

And another thing, I understand people wanting to make singles feel better on this day by offering advice such as  “take the time to pamper yourself, shower yourself with gifts and eat a nice dinner” which basically all means be your own valentine. I’m certain the intention when handing out these suggestions comes from a sincere and good place. Yet I can’t help but feel the high risk of it backfiring. Instead of making the single feel better, it can lead to reinforcing the idea that singleness is a sloppy seconds kind of life. The “optimal” Valentine’s day should be shared with another and where appreciation is shown and received, right? At least according to the movies. But the unhappy single should let’s say, slap on a face mask? It’s sort of like vegan food replicating meat or dairy. Anyone ever tried vegan cheese? It’s not the same! I find that generally, this type of reasoning and comparison to coupledom is frequently made. Singledom is either viewed as the strive towards coupledom or a b-version of it. The overall message tends to paint singleness as the vegan cheese of civil statuses rather than a different kind of regular fromage to be enjoyed. 

Singles who have realized that singleness can be equally as tasty aren’t bothered by society’s standard of what’s “optimal”. They’re just living their life! That’s exactly what I wish for all singles. So, if this happens to be a triggering day, how about taking the time to truly be honest, open and transparent with what surfaces? I don’t mean in a “throw yourself a pity party, eat ice cream  and watch Rom-Coms”, nor do I recommend “ spending a night out on the prowl” which movies and series encourage. The feeling of being triggered, annoyed, left out or anything else unpleasant, is understandable and there is no judgment on my part. Trust me, I get it. Allow this to be the perfect day to really dig internally and explore what sorts of programming are running and clogging up your system. It’s not the lack of a partner that is the cause of feeling low, it’s faulty conditioning. The answer always lies within, investigate closely and set yourself free. That’s the most loving gift you can give yourself. 

With all of that being said, I wish all a happy Valentine’s day!