While on a train back from a quick getaway, I was watching a true crime documentary. The episode was following a lead detective solving a real “whodunit” murder case. The opening scene filmed the investigator up close underlining the importance of “ABC” when questioning suspects. ABC stands for: Assume nothing, Believe nothing, Check everything.
In amazement, I realized that the ABC sums up the golden rules for online dating! Who knew investigating heinous crimes would have so much in common with using apps?
Online dating has faced its fair share of scrutiny. And understandably so. Although it is possible to hit the jackpot, the odds (in my opinion) are incredibly low. So, for those who wish to enter the digital world in search for love, need to do so with caution. Apps are filled with catfishes, narcissists, ghosts, love bombers and those already in relationships. There are all sorts of characters you’ll need to dodge to find nuggets of gold.
Paradoxically, this doesn’t deem dating apps utterly useless. In fact, I’m a strong advocate for them! but for other reasons than you might expect. For singles, struggling with people pleasing tendencies, boundary setting or unaccustomed to firmly say the word “no”: apps serve as top notch training grounds (for more on this check out what’s the bright side of online dating (no, it’s not a trick question)!)
If you’re not discouraged yet and wish to test your luck with online dating, I’d strongly suggest applying the ABC with every digital encounter. Let’s have a look at why.
Assume Nothing
Most people who consider themselves somewhat decent, may naively assume the same for everyone. Theoretically, I’m sure we’re all aware of off-putting characters or those with bad intentions. However, when met with initial entertaining, engaging or flattering conversation it’s easy to jump the gun and allow our caution to reduce. Especially highly empathic people need to be weary of the bar lowering. This is because empaths tend to be emotionally driven rather than cognitive. In other words, positive emotions take the wheel making it more likely to miss or gloss over red flags (caught by the mind). That’s the harsh truth about first getting to know another, it can push emotional buttons inflating a fantasy based on false assumptions instead of seeing someone for who they truly. For some this is an automatic process and therefore, consciously staying grounded and keeping the mind involved, is a must!
Believe Nothing
Along the same lines as assuming nothing, believe nothing! At least not, until proven otherwise. Genuine and honest human beings tend to present themselves in a realistic fashion (with the occasional tweaks here and there). There doesn’t seem to be any other way to go about it. You’d be amazed the amount of people who alter themselves. The art of smooth talking or lying swiftly is a gift of many. Might sound like a pessimistic outlook and not a healthy attitude when interacting with new faces. I call it remaining realistic. Consider it a preventative strategy. Anyone can claim to be single, a doctor or a charitable individual without it necessarily being the case. Whether the person is deliberately deceitful, lacks self-awareness or is flat out delusional is irrelevant. The point is our time and personal energy is valuable. The sooner we uncover who we are dealing with the better. Believing nothing is not about assuming the worst. It’s about being open to the possibility that not all is what it appears and avoiding getting sucked into an illusion of an interaction.
Check Everything
Check everything! I’m not certain if it’s tabu to admit but I’d like to encourage everyone to double check facts instead of taking everything at face value. The internet is an amazing tool. If you’re not technology savvy, turn to the friend with advanced spying skills willing to execute the dirty work. In my experience checking never hurts, so why not do your due diligence. And if everything checked out, no harm done.
It’s a harsh dating climate today. Hence, if you’re tempted to turn to the online world in the search for love, remain light-hearted, move with caution, and always apply the “ABC”: assume nothing, believe nothing and check everything!
Nouseibah 
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