From observing and talking with lots of people something I’ve discovered is the phenomena that I’ve chosen to label as “that one issue”. We all have that one issue in life where we face more struggles than others. “That one issue” shows its ugly face over and over again making us face problems we thought we’d overcome, yet here we are again! “That one issue” can stick with us for years. I mean we can try to run away from it. Using every distraction we can find like work, drinking or denial. But it always manages to find where we’re hiding. What I think seems to be common is the assumption that if we could just get this thing right it would solve everything.
There are some characteristics that frames the definition of “that one issue”. For example I’ve noticed that usually most people around us don’t seem to be facing the same type of challenges. Quite the opposite in fact, it seems to be like a walk in the park. Making it extra frustrating for us and leading to assumptions such we must be doing something wrong or worse, there must be something wrong with us.
The true danger however starts occurring when the majority of our life revolves around “that one issue”. The most extreme version of this is when the identity is solely based on the specific challenges. For example lets say a woman has a health problem. With time the health issue can consume so much of her life the only thing she now knows herself to be is a sick person. This way of identifying then colors all aspects life. No matter what’s going on in her life it has a connection to the sickness. It’s not ONE part of her, it has become ALL of her. Whatever goes wrong, her mind will assign it to the sickness.
When it comes to singles I can’t begin to tell you the uncountable number of women I’ve met whose core identity consists of “the forever single” concept. The way this can play out is through the attributing of whatever is taking place, good or bad, to them being single. Got the job of your dreams? Well that must be due to all the extra time you know, being single creates. You lost your job? Well of course, must be because there is no family to support. I might be slightly exaggerating 🙂 Now the reasoning to what’s going on is no fact it’s just the way the mind starts to make sense of the world.
Now like I mentioned before, from what I’ve noticed most of the time we are the only one in our inner circle facing ” that one issue”. In some situation there can be somebody else but if you look closely that might actually be the basis for having that person in our life to begin with. The main function of that person being keeping us company so we won’t feel alone while facing “that one issue”. If the other person suddenly “overcomes” your common problem what happens? From my observation there is rarely a 100% pure happiness for that person more like an abandonment feeling. But more importantly, slowly the person vanishes since the bonding ground is finito.
I personally don’t think it’s a coincidence that the issue we are trying desperately to get a grip on doesn’t seem to exist for those around us. I think it’s a way for life to show us who we really are. See it all starts of with “why me?”, “something is wrong” “whats wrong with me” type of mentality. But with some inner work you actually learn that “the one issue” can be transformed into power and realization of worthiness that we all know to be true deep deep inside. To get these realizations though, we need to first think and feel the opposite way.
We all have “that one issue”. Every single person out there has their different venison of “that one issue”. Like I wrote before most likely those close to you don’t have the same problem but they have their own “that one issue”. In any area of life where you don’t have a care in the world. I can with certainty tell you they’re probably looking at you wondering how the hell you are conquering their issue without seemingly lifting a finger. This in turn also suggests that we can’t compare ourselves to those in our vicinity. It’s not an equivalent comparison.
The last aspect of “that one issue” that I want to bring up is that you have other fields in life that are working. How have you been approaching those areas? Compare your approach/strategy/ attitude of the those areas of your life to your “that one issue”. I’ll give you an example from my personal life. I’ve noticed that in the area of my life that are working I seem to not take rejection personally and move on quite quickly if something doesn’t happen the way I would have preferred. I also seem to be able to let go easily and in times of uncertainty trust that it will work out. In my “that one issue” it’s been a bit differently, haha. To be frank it’s been the contrary. I’ve taken rejection too personally, I hold on for as long as I can and I find it hard to let go since I don’t trust it will work out in my favour. So once you look at how different it seems to be between what is working in your life and what is not, it’s time to readjust what’s going on behind the scene on “that one issue”. Simply put, starting to apply the same model for fields that are working to “that one issue”.